I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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