Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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