My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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