Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
