8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize