rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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