I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
