TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
