I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
