This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize