Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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