Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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