I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
