Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
