Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
