i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
