You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
A bitchslap is in order.
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