We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize