So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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