coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
