i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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