My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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