:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
