whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize