We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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