They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
