Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
