what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
