I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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