the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
