420 ftw
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Four minutes until I can fart!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize