i would punch a child for taco bell
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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