Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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