We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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