You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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