All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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