for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
