In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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