so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
