So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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