just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
