i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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