It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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