hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
