There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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