Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
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