my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
