Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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