Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
