Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
