Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
