:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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