I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize