tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
