Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
