i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize