im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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