So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Let's get the cat blown out
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
