I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
