when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
