I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
