Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
