I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
