the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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