he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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