I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
