if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
