I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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